I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
