I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
