He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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