You just made me feel so damn special
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
