Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
