Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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