at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
