This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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