you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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