im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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