New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
