I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
