11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza