I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.