I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.