Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
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Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky