Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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