I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
