i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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