I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
