You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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