dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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