You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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