census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
