her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
