I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
