you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
