You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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