the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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