just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
