i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
