Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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