Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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