what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
