Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
