She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
