Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
