I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
