sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
