I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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