pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
why do cheetos always look like penises
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
