I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
