i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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