yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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