She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize