i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
