you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
