angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
