she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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