My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
