I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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