Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
