just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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