I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
