i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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