hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
