Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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