Say something about gay babies.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
