After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
