We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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