I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
