is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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